


Everyone's Trans In Philadelphia

by cinnabongene



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: Everyone is Trans, Gen, High School, M/M, Middle School, Pre-Canon, Pre-Slash, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, Underage Drinking, Underage Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-06-25
Packaged: 2019-05-28 07:29:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15043799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinnabongene/pseuds/cinnabongene
Summary: The trans high school AU story of how the gang got together and how Mac got his name.





	Everyone's Trans In Philadelphia

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by a dream I had where everyone in the gang was trans, and it was written all in one night. It takes place solely when the characters are kids and teenagers. There are MacDennis undertones throughout, but it only takes the form of flirting. I am trans myself, and I hope everyone reading this knows not to bind with bandages. Don't be Dennis, kids.

Dennis and Dee knew there must have been some mix up at the hospital when they were born. From the time they were old enough to talk to each other, they couldn’t figure out why their parents insisted on calling Dennis “Deandra” and dressing him in girl’s clothing, and calling Dee “Dennis” and dressing her in boy’s clothing, when it was clearly the other way around. 

“The doctors must have switched our wristbands or got confused and wrapped us up in the wrong colored blankets,” said Dennis as they performed their nightly switch into each other’s pajamas, so Dee could sleep in pink and Dennis in blue. 

“How can Mom and Dad be so stupid they haven’t figured it out yet?” asked Dee. 

“I don’t know, but it’s getting really old. I’m only seven, and I don’t know how much more of this I can take,” said Dennis. 

It was the night before their first day of middle school that Dennis and Dee hatched the idea for a beautiful plan.

“This is our chance to straighten it out, once and for all,” said Dennis. “As soon as we get to school, we switch uniforms. Then I go into all of your classes and tell them I’m Dennis, and you go into my classes and say you’re Dee. No one will ever know.”

“Den, that’s perfect!” said Dee, throwing her arms around her brother. 

Dennis pushed her off of him. “Never touch me like that again.”

 

The plan worked flawlessly, and as neither Frank nor Barbara cared enough about their children’s education to ever bother showing up at the school, it was foolproof. Though, they soon were forced to realize that even as the right gender, making friends wasn’t easy. 

After going through extensive anti-drug education in health class, Dennis hypothesized that maybe drugs were the way to get noticed by the cool kids. It didn’t take too much asking around to find out how to get hooked up with the good stuff. 

“Hey, you Veronica?” Dennis asked, sauntering up to the lonely figure hunched under the bleachers.

“Not fucking Veronica. Just Ronnie. Got it?” the figure replied. 

“Jesus, fine. You uh… got anything on you… Ronnie?” Dennis asked. 

“Depends. Who’s asking?” 

“Who’s asking?” Dennis laughed. “Don’t you recognize your Golden God?” 

“The only God I know is our Heavenly Father and his son, our lord and savior Jesus Christ,” Ronnie replied. 

Dennis laughed again and pulled out his wallet. “Jesus, you really are a piece of work. Just give me the weed, alright? I’m sure I’ve got enough.” 

Ronnie took one glance at Dennis’s overflowing wallet and pulled his stash from his backpack. “Here. Fifty bucks for a gram.” 

“Sounds reasonable,” said Dennis, forking over the money. “Now uh… what do I do with it?” 

“Christ, you’ve never smoked before?” 

“I uh… just want to learn from an expert. Hone my skills, you know?” Dennis covered. 

Ronnie sighed and took the bag back from Dennis. “Here, I’ll teach you how to roll a joint, but it’s gonna be another twenty bucks.” 

“Deal.” 

 

Neither Dennis nor Ronnie heard the lunch bell ring as they passed the joint back and forth under the bleachers. Dennis sat closer to Ronnie than he usually would to another person. Maybe if he played his cards right, he could make Ronnie fall in love with him and get a discount. 

“I didn’t know there were girl drug dealers,” said Dennis as he blew out another hit. 

“I’m not a girl,” said Ronnie. “If you ever call me a girl again, I’m never selling you more weed, not even for a thousand dollars.” 

“Hey, hey, relax,” said Dennis. And maybe it was the weed, or maybe it was something in Ronnie’s eyes, but Dennis felt compelled to share something he never thought he’d share in his life. “I… uh… I know what it’s like to have people tell you you’re a girl when you’re not.” 

Ronnie narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean?” 

Dennis looked over his shoulder to make sure they weren’t being watched, then slowly undid the top buttons of his shirt. “No one else knows about this. It’s just you and me, okay?” He said as he finally undid the button that revealed the top of the bandages he had wrapped around his chest.

Ronnie’s eyes went wide with understanding. “No way, dude.” 

Dennis nodded as he buttoned his shirt back up. 

“Your secret’s totally safe with me, man. You can always trust Ronnie the Rat.”

 

For the next few weeks, Dennis and Ronnie were inseparable. The bleachers were their place where they could get high together and talk about how shitty their lives were at home. It was just the two of them, until one day Ronnie brought someone else.

“Who’s this guy?” asked Dennis, standing up to leave. “I thought you weren’t going to be conducting business when we were together.” 

“It’s okay,” said Ronnie. “Dirtgrub’s one of us.” 

And so Dirtgrub became a part of their daily smoking and complaining sessions. “It’s always easier for people to see that I’m boy when I’m covered in dirt, so I thought hey, I love dirt, might as well get the best of both worlds, you what I mean?” said Charlie as he ate a worm off the ground.

“Hey, man, uh… whatever works for you,” said Dennis. 

 

It was close to the end of their first year of high school that Dennis noticed Ronnie acting strange, like a cloud was hanging over him, and not the usual cloud of weed smoke. 

“What’s wrong, man? You’ve been quiet lately,” said Dennis at lunch one day. 

Ronnie shrugged. “It’s nothing.” 

Dennis put his hand on Ronnie’s shoulder. “No, really, tell me. Is someone fucking with you? If anyone hurts you, I swear to god I will—”

“No, it’s nothing like that,” said Ronnie. “It’s just… the year book’s coming out soon.”

“So?”

“So, you’re gonna be Dennis, Dee’s gonna be Dee, Charlie’s gonna be Charlie, and I’m gonna be Veronica.” 

“Oh. Shit.” 

“Yeah.” 

Dennis sighed and thought for a second. “Don’t you worry. I’ve got plan.” 

 

And so the next morning, the gang met up before school started to discuss their grand scheme. Thankfully, the school hadn’t switched over to a computerized system yet, so some whiteout and careful penmanship would be enough. 

“Dennis has the best handwriting, so he should be the one to do it,” said Ronnie.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got it all figured out,” said Dennis. “Charlie, you’ll pull the fire alarm—”

“Sweet! That’s only been my dream since like second grade!”

“Dee, you stand in the hall outside the main office and pretend you’re having problems with your back brace so all the office ladies will have to help you out.” 

Dee nodded. “This piece of shit has to be good for something.” 

“Then, when the coast is clear, Ronnie and I will sneak in and change the paperwork. We strike after first lunch.” 

It truly had to be the smoothest operation ever pulled off by a group of ninth graders. As soon as first lunch was over, Charlie pulled the fire alarm. 

While the rest of the school evacuated, Dennis and Ronnie stayed hidden in a supply closet not far from the main office. 

“You ever play seven minutes in heaven?” Dennis murmured, his breath hot on Ronnie’s neck. 

“What’s that?” Ronnie asked. 

“Oh! My back brace! It’s so stiff! I can hardly move!” came Dee’s shrill cry from the hallway. 

“Come on, dear. We’ve got to get you out of here,” came the voice of the cranky old receptionist.

Dennis put his finger up to Ronnie’s lips to silence him as he listened for the sound of retreating footsteps and finally, the closing of a door. “And that’s our cue.” 

After a quick look that the coast was clear, Dennis and Ronnie bolted for the main office door. 

“You stay here and make sure no one’s coming,” Dennis told Ronnie. “I’ll get this done quick.” 

“I can already hear the sirens, dude. It’s not gonna take them long to figure out there’s not a real fire,” said Ronnie. He nearly jumped out of his leather boots when he felt a hand on his shoulder. 

“Hey,” said Dennis, turning him around and looking him dead in the eyes. “I said I’m gonna get this done. Now just stay calm for me, okay, baby boy?” 

Ronnie’s mouth went dry. “Uh-huh.” 

It didn’t take Dennis long to find all the relevant paperwork and make the necessary changes. Later that night, the gang stole a bottle of tequila from Frank and Barbara’s liquor cabinet and celebrated the success of their first scheme. 

It was only when the year books came out six weeks later that the gang came to understand the full consequences of what Dennis had done. 

“You changed my name to Ronald!?” 

“That’s what Ronnie’s supposed to be short for, isn’t it? You can’t put a nickname on official school paperwork,” said Dennis with a shrug.

“Dude, my last name is McDonald. You named me Ronald McDonald!” Ronnie cried. 

The rest of the gang burst out laughing. 

“Oh, fuck you,” he huffed, about to storm off when Dennis caught him by the sleeve of his leather jacket. 

“Aww, come on. You know you love us… Ronald.”


End file.
